The key, says psychotherapist and couples counsellor Hilda Burke, is not to express your discontent by simply saying, “I do all the housework” but instead talk openly with your partner. But, this isn’t necessarily fair, nor conducive to a happy relationship. An unequal division of labour can often appear in the first few months after your little one is born, especially if one partner is at home more than the other due to parental leave.
#Babyproof your marriage free
Sure, housework existed before your baby came along, but now your free time has been severely cut and the load has increased significantly. So, what can you do about? We’ve asked the experts how they suggest dealing with some of the most common issues new parents face. It’s easy to start seeing each other as just co-parents rather than partners, and when you’re mainly living in the parent role it can be hard to move back in to a space of intimacy and connection,” she says. Lack of sleep and the demanding schedule of meeting your child’s needs (along with everything else you still have to do) can cause stress and arguments to build. “There’s little time and mental space left for each other. “Along with the positive changes that come with being a family are ones that create pressure and can change the dynamic of the couple,” explains Clare Flaxen, CBT therapist and expert at women’s wellbeing website The Luna Hive. One famous study from the 1950s found that for 83% of couples, their first child brought about a marital ‘crisis’ and things don’t seem to have changed hugely since then. And so it’s little wonder that your relationship is likely to change somewhat. Housework, socialising, sleep and sex go out the window and all your attention is focused on the needs of your new baby. Having a baby is certainly life changing – one minute you’re footloose and fancy-free, and can head out for the evening whenever you wish, and the next minute you have a little one to care for 24/7 and your heart is bursting at the seams with unbridled love.